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Abiola Benjamin ObayomiAbiola Benjamin Obayomi
Real Estate is my Profession. The change we need in Nigeria begins with all of us doing things differently. Collectively, we can make Nigeria work.
Joined 5 years ago
From Abuja, Nigeria
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Article Category >>>Marriage

How To Build an Effective Marriage Intended Relationship

By Abiola Benjamin Obayomi       Jan 19, 2016

How To Build an Effective Marriage Intended Relationship

Hey people, this piece is actually meant for those who see themselves getting married someday. It is no longer news that marriage is an honourable thing and the desire of nearly every young person today, male or female alike; is to be called husbands or wives of some persons in some not too distant future. Having a plan in mind to be married someday can be likened to having a plan to develop a mighty edifice. You don’t start building anything from the top, but rather; from the foundation. Having a desire to have a successful marriage begins from how well and strong both intended couples manage their pre-marital life, the one we all refer to as courtship. So, peradventure you are reading this and probably married, kindly refer the piece to your friends and relatives that are yet to be.

I have come to realize that if relationship in whatsoever form is not being taken seriously, they may come to an abrupt end. Humans are of course social creatures- we crave friendship and positive exchanges, just as we do food and water. So, it makes sense that the healthier our relationships, the happier we are going to be. Any form of relationship usually becomes effective when the people involved listens and hears each other out. One sure way to do this is by asking questions and hearing each other out. In the course of my few years of courting my wife to be, I have found the following useful tips to be highly effective for prospective couples.



This is one of the fruits of the spirit as documented in the bible. As a matter of fact, patience came immediately after temperance as penned down by Apostle Peter in 1peter 1:6. Apostle Paul also wrote in 1Corithians 13:4 that love is patient and kind. What it then means is that an integral part of love is being patient with one another. No better time to start learning how to be patient with your spouse to be than during your courting period. Your spouse isn’t perfect, and there are times some actions of his or hers might not go down well with you. In period like this, patience will serve as a protection against those wrongs. Leonardo da Vinci is credited with saying “Patience serves as protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind”.


Da Vinci could not have put it better than the way itis being captured above. Recognizing the fact that your spouse to be is from a different background from yours also necessitates the need for the both of you to exercise some form of longsuffering with each other. Relationships often present many circumstances that call for patience, which is necessary to having a healthy and functional relationship. As a matter of fact, patience and love are inseparable. What better way to develop patience than through the bond of a loving relationship? Begin to exercise your patience towards each other right now while courting and this will not be difficult when both of you eventually settle down in marriage.



There can never be real intimacy in relationship without transparency. Just as there can be no trust without honesty. To be transparent is much like it sounds. For example, transparent materials such as glass, clear plastic, even water are see-through. When both of you choose to be transparent in your relationship, you are allowing your mate to see all of you. An agreement to be transparent means that you will self-disclose and be completely honest. It implies openness, communication and personal accountability. It is not only telling the truth but providing access to all the relevant information and encouraging inclusiveness in the decision making process. There is no better time to develop transparency than during courtship. Once this is settled, doing it during marriage will become less stressful.



Mutual Understanding

Love for each other should be established on understanding, trust, and conviction which are the building block of a successful and pleasant relationship. The truth remains that the both of you might disagree on a number of issues sometimes, but your ability to arrive at conclusive end regarding such issues is what matters. Through mutual understanding, genuineness and benevolence, and with great wisdom, the both of you should reach a consensus on any matter. True love is no way simple, or easy. It takes time, patience and understanding. If you truly and really love each other, you both will smile your way through anything. Being intimate is not only limited to the physical definition.


The most beautiful of intimate moments is when you and your spouse-to-be understand each other on a level no one else can comprehend. Attaining this fit doesn’t have to wait until you both are finally married, it must be developed while courting. I for one enjoys the best of understanding from my partner, and this has helped us scaled a number of hurdles together. Put this into practice and watch out how effective your relationship will turn out. Don’t keep things to yourself and expect your partner to understand you, he or she isn’t a witch or a wizard.



This is the hallmark of every relationship. In its simplest form, sincerity is all about saying what you think and meaning what you say. When you do this, a great deal of stress is removed out of your relationship. Whatsoever it is that is not equal to sincerity is nothing less of manipulation. While insincerity may work for you in the short while, it however does not last, and it can never build positive, productive and lasting relationship. Sincerity is all about being truthful to yourself and your partner to be. The need to be sincere cannot be overemphasized. There is no better time to start practicing sincerity than during this period of courtship. Therefore, go to work on yourself now. Practice sincerity. Build a reputation as a truthful, reliable and open-minded partner. Make yourself trustworthy. This calls for hard work on your part. Do not be afraid of your partner taking advantage of your openness and sincerity. Do not blame anybody for your troubles if you refuse to change.


Praying Together

The place of praying together in maritally-intended relationships cannot be overemphasized. The scripture says that two heads are better than one. Also, one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand. Praying together is an important habit that must be consciously formed in maritally-intended relationship. This habit should not be delayed until the two of you are eventually married, it may be very difficult to do then, since you both aren’t used to it. Prayer promotes spiritual connection, just as physical intimacy reaffirms your oneness. Although, the subject of where and when martially-intended couples should pray together has been heavily discussed among Christian authors, but none of these authors has totally discredit the role that prayers play in keeping the relationship safe and sound.


Lastly, I believe you have been able to pick a couple of things from this piece that would help your relationship stronger that it was before. As you carefully observe the points raised here, you and your partner can only become better and stronger together by the day. Thank you for reading and God bless.


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Article Tags: How To Build, an Effective Marriage, Intended Relationship, courtship, relationship
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  Real Estate is my Profession. The change we need in Nigeria begins with all of us doing things differently. Collectively, we can make Nigeria work.

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Gboyega Adedeji     3 years ago
Great write up! I recommend this article for every single brother and sister!

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