A wall is a structure that provides security/protection over a defined area. It is usually erected either to protect outsiders from what is inside, or to protect insiders from the world outside. A wall can also be erected for control i.e. to regulate the activities of those within. One of the reasons why walls are erected is fear; the fear of what those inside can do (as in a penitentiary), or the fear of what those outside can do (as in house fences). This fear basically comes from what you have seen and/or heard, first hand experiences or that of others shared.
In the context, relationship, most people erect walls in an attempt to protect themselves from the world outside while a few do so to protect the world from themselves; the man/woman within. For those who had been hurt and/or betrayed, a wall is erected so they don’t have to go through the hurt and pain again while for those who are witnesses to the experiences of the former, it’s so they don’t have to experience it themselves. For those who feel they are the cause of pain to others, it is so that no one will ever have to suffer in their hands again.
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE WALL
- The height of the wall is determined by the level of fear in its builder. The wall erected by one who’d been hurt once and that of one who’d gone through several heartbreaks cannot be the same.
- The wall when erected shuts out everyone from coming in; the good & the bad, those you want to keep away and those you have dire need for.
- The wall creates a false reality; that only the life of pain and bitterness within the wall is real, love and happiness is illusory.
- Within the wall, you are confined to only two aspects of reality; the past and a present being governed by your past. The future is hardly ever imagined without the domination of the past. The wall makes you myopic.
- The wall tells you that everyone else is the problem so you don’t see the need for self-examination and possible correction where needed.
- The longer you stay confined within the wall, the slimmer your chances of ever being able to take it down.
- At the initial stage, you build the wall but at the latter stages, the wall builds you.
- The wall is only attracted to those in a similar situation as you because it feeds on their experiences and uses the fear generated to grow stronger and taller.
- The wall tells you that ‘the next is just like the ex, why go through that again?!’
- The wall gains more strength from prejudices and assumptions.
- The wall kills every atom of hope and aspiration you may have concerning future relationship success.
- The wall never heals. If anything, it merely places a band aid over the wound without any medication.
- It never gets better within the wall. The state you were in when the wall was erected is the state you’ll remain in until the wall is pulled down.
- The wall claims it’s looking out for you but in truth, it’s only looking out for itself. Try taking it down and see!
- The wall kicks out every genuine attempt to help you because it sees that as a threat to its existence and rightly so.
- The wall is like a prison guard who keeps you locked in and is swift to interrupt once he feels you are getting too close to someone from the outside.
- The wall is a parasite; it feeds off you in other to stay alive.
- The wall tells you that you’ll never feel the pain of betrayal again as long as you remain in it but it never mentions that you’ll also never experience the beauty of love no more.
- The wall tells you that the promise of light is a deception just so you can remain within the darkness it brings.
- The wall is sick and obsessed. He will rather kill you that see you being happy with anyone else other than himself.
- The wall will lose his hold over you when you truly understand what love and being in love really entails.
You see, you can’t truly love without putting yourself in harms’ way; for to love is to be vulnerable. And as sad as it may sound, true love never promises that its recipient will reciprocate, it only hopes that it does. No matter how well you nurture a rose, it never grows without thorns, so you see that the fire is what makes the gold pure. If there was no exam, how would you prove that love never fails?! If there was no attempted rivalry, how can you say for sure that love never envies?! If she’s not been faced with the lie, how would love rejoice in the truth?! If there was nothing to suffer, why would love need to endure all things?!
Love says be meek; the wall says you’re weak. Love aims at the petals; the wall focuses on the thorns. Love says apologise; the wall says you were never wrong. Love says don’t be rude; the wall says every chic is better with a little attitude. Notice that the wall is against everything that love stands for. And if God is love, who then is the wall?! Think about it!