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Top 5 Costly Presumptions In Marriage
By Gboyega Adedeji Apr 02, 2015
Presumptions are certain things that are accepted without proof or verification. In life, we presume many things and many people; sometimes we are right, but many times, we are wrong. One would have expected that we would have learnt our lessons about our daily presumptions, but the general spread of presumptions among us is an evidence to the truth about our inclination towards learning. Usually, it is easy to presume, but it is often more expensive and dangerous to presume.
The marriage institution like many other institutions, has had a great share of our presumptions. However, we must know that presumptions are not always correct, even though they are usually known and acceptable. Over the next few paragraphs, we would be examining certain costly presumptions in and about marriage, which most of us are guilty or victims of. Some of the presumptions include, but not limited to the following:
1) We Presume That Every Married Person Is ResponsibleTo be responsible is to be worthy of responsibility or trust. Sometime ago, while in the University, my wife, who was my friend then, called me to meet her in the room of her friend (who was and is equally my friend). When I got there, I sat down - but before sitting down, I removed my shoes and was only left with the socks. After talking with them for a while, suddenly, my wife looked at me a bit more and saw my socks, and she said almost immediately, "Wow, you are looking responsible" - actually, that was in an evening! The point am making here is that, being responsible and being seeing as responsible are two different things. It is therefore possible that a man or woman that is presumed to be responsible may not be in reality.
Oftentimes, when we see married couples, something tells us that this woman is a responsible woman, and this man is a responsible man. However, it is a known truth today that not all married men are as responsible as they look, and not all married women are as responsible as they look. The statistic is already overwhelmed by married men that are daily busy looking for ladies and girls to spend their business and leisure time with. We must not also forget the cases of married women who appear unsatisfied from home. The question is, "if all married men and women are responsible - worthy of trust, why do we continually have cases of adultery and unfaithfulness in marriage?". My advise to young women is therefore, to be careful in their approach to or conduct with married men, not being gullible - for EVERY married man is not worthy of trust!
2) We Presume That Every Married Person Knows What To DoKnowing what to do daily, weekly, monthly and yearly, may look like a normal product of planning, which any man or woman can learn. But I believe that a man or woman must be wise and understanding to know what to do per time. A lot of marriages are shaken daily because the husband expect the wife to know what to do, while the wife equally expect her husband to know what to do. I am of the opinion therefore, that knowing what to do is not exclusive to the married, but to the wise and discerning. While you do not need to be married to be wise and discerning, you may be married and not be wise and discerning. Right judgments and wise decisions are not picked up on the marriage altars, but in the presence of the Lord. You may be married for decades without good judgment, while a just married couple who had been established in wisdom and understanding will make right choices.
Some days ago, during the collation exercise of the Presidential election in Nigeria at the International Conference Centre in Abuja, a man (definitely married) raised a point of observation, but ended up taking every other person as hostage for around 30 minutes, shouting and creaming and abusing the institutions of government. After the incidence, a woman on Channels TV remarked that what that man did was what a 2 year old could or ought to do. In short, he behaved like a 2 year old toddler. It therefore means that wisdom and understanding is not for all married men and women, but for every man and woman that seeks for them.
3) We Presume That Marriage Makes Every Person NewSomehow, we also presume that every new couple is a new creation, therefore, each couple has become new. While God expect the two to become one new identity, I believe that the individual difference or peculiarities may take sometime before it becomes subsumed in the new United identity. Meanwhile, not every person is new in marriage; however, every person is a new creation in marriage. An easily angered woman may not become easy going just automatically, but in time, if such woman allows God to work on her, she will change in marriage. An ego-driven man may not suddenly change in marriage, but with the special workings of God's Spirit, he will change in marriage. In short, change is marriage, but it is gradual; hence, until then, a man or woman may still be or behave like the old times.
4) We Presume That Every Married Person Is MarriedThis may appear like a joke, but it is not! I have discovered that not every married man or woman is actually married. Sometimes, being married or being known as married may be like a title, which a man or woman may have without the substance. Usually, we call some people Honourables in our society: Honourable Minister, Honourable member of the House, etc.; however, we know that being honourable is not exactly the same with being called honourable. A man is married because he has become one with his wife; however, when a man becomes two (two ideas, two purpose, two principle, two orientation, two vision and two passion) with his wife, such a man is no longer married. Do you know that have of divorce cases are often reported; the remaining cases are in our streets, churches and cities. Some so-called married couples sleep in two different rooms, drive two different cars, go to two different churches, submit to two different authorities and in extreme cases, votes for two different parties like APC|PDP. To be truly married, a man and his wife must be completely one in EVERYTHING!
5) We Presume That A Marriage Is Not Fruitful Until We See ChildrenThe last on this list, but not the least is the presumption that children is the fruit of any marriage and when a marriage does not bear children, it is not fruitful. It is a myth and it is from little understanding of the purpose of God for marriage. Without doubt, God expects a man and a woman to procreate, but producing offsprings after one's kind is not the only dimension of fruitfulness in marriage. Fruitfulness in marriage is any idea, project, business, organization, mission or cause, child, invention and contribution of a man and his wife. The point is, the fruit of marriage is the product of the interaction of a man and his wife. Every time you interact with your wife, in whatever form, the product of such interaction is the fruit of your marriage. Sometimes, the product may be conception of babies or conception of vision or ideas. Whatever the marriage conceives, is the fruit of that marriage. For the record, the fruits of the marriage of Dr. David and Faith Oyedepo are not just the children (both spiritual and biological), but also Living Faith Church, Covenant University, Landmark University, Kingdom Heritage Schools, WOFBI, and countless others. The story is the same for Pastor Enoch and Folu Adeboye - there fruitfulness is endless.
If you think therefore that your marriage is not fruitful because you are not yet carrying children in your hands, you must rethink and begin to appreciate God for the ideas He has blessed your marriage with.
In conclusion, your children are not part of your marriage, but products of your marriage - please, do not bring them into it! A rope of three cords the Scripture says, is not easily broken. Therefore, if God is the third cord of the rope of your marriage, it will not be broken at all. Your marriage will stand the test of time if you make only God the partner in your marriage. In short, no man or woman is qualified to join your marriage, not even your children - safe the Lord God. Your marriage will stand in Jesus name!